Saturday, January 21, 2012
THE WINTER WITCH
Windhawk: Snowhawk, there’s nothing colder than a Winter Witch’s ass, so I’ve heard.
Snowhawk: Windhawk, I’d say, I’ve heard of colder that a Well Digger’s ass,
And hot as a Witch’s titty,
But never quite that witchy twist of a saying;
Windhawk: It’s a Kentucky saying; I reckon I’ve heard it all my life.
And if you think of it, a Winter Witch’s ass must truly be frigid.
Snowhawk: Yes, icicles on the ole asshairs,
Windhawk: And it must be very windy whenever she farted.
Snowhawk: Yes, she frosted the windows up, I bet.
Windhawk: Quite fumy;
Snowhawk: Yep, and ranky stanky;
A stinky, ole fart windbag;
Yes, oh, but at least she fumigated the air;
Windhawk: Her broom held its nose and looked for a heater to hover over.
Snowhawk: That’s a new meaning to Air Pollution.
Yes, poor broom; one frozen stick, with her ass all astraddle!
Because, if not; she’d crawl over to Rover the cat.
Oh, dear, she might be too tipsy: the Asshole who missed the saddle.
Windhawk: Well, I heard her charms, she used mainly to harm.
Someone would lock her ass up in the barn.
Snowhawk: But she’d bypass the farm.
Too many animals bellowed in pain from her stinky fly-over.
The Farmer couldn't breathe, so he meant to shoot her on sight.
Windhawk: He thought she was a UFO!
Snowhawk: He raised his gun and fired it into the night.
Windhawk: She always escaped over his barn.
She shot away, until only her gassy farts were a telltale red glow in the sky.
Snowhawk: The Farmer’s Wife was very mad.
She said, “You spend more time on that cold Witch’s ass than you do on me.”
Windhawk: The Farmer said, “I can’t make her happy, cos I admit it; she’s right.”
But then to her, he said, “Don’t worry, Baby; my love; you’ll always be my Honey-bun.”
Snowhawk: He turned on the sugar, so sweet; it oozed like molasses.
And soon, they forgot about any asses but their own.
Windhawk: But the Wife saw the Winter Witch flying around outside, and
She jumped up, and to the Farmer, she demanded, “Which you want to do:
Kiss my ass or kiss that cold Witch’s ass out that window? Why won’t she leave us alone?”
Snowhawk: They both hurried outside, and looked up to see:
Around and around the barn, the Winter Witch on her broomstick, flew;
The Wife said; “Keep your nose out of my business.”
But then sparks hit the barn and up in flames, it shot and quickly it got very hot!
Windhawk: The Wife screamed, “That Witch must go!”
And as the Farmer tried to rescue the animals, and paid no attention,
She stomped her foot, “I will put a stop to this!” She hissed.
To her Husband, she yelled, “Don’t give me any more kisses!”
Snowhawk: She ran toward the Witch, meaning to do her best to end the old Hag’s life.
Well, the barn was all aglow; the Witch came flying back.
Soaring in, like an Eagle on the attack;
She aimed to knock the Wife flat of her back,
But the Wife grabbed the Witch’s foot and yanked her off the broom.
And then, they rolled in the grass;
And dang, if the Witch didn’t fart a really big one out her ass;
She started to swell as the Wife choked her neck;
Snowhawk: Up, up, up, they both flew, as if headed straight to the moon.
Snowhawk: But the Farmer took aim and shot the Witch in her ass,
And like a balloon in deflate, in an erratic tumble, the two fell.
The Farmer’s Wife had almost whipped the Witch’s ass.
But that gigantic Fart had pooted so hard,
They’d lifted up from the ground from the excess gas.
Windhawk: The Farmer cried out, “Don’t leave me, Honey!”
The Wife went sailing into the haystack and she landed, none too happy.
Snowhawk: She lay there gasping for breath, flat of her back.
Her Husband came running and lifted her up;
He took her home and put her to bed,
And he treated her like a baby, for the rest of her days.
He promised, making sure the window screen was pulled down,
“I will never make you mad, again, because of that gassy-assed Witch.”
And he kept his word; if ever the Winter Witch flew by, he dared not even look at the sky.
Whenever he smelled the stink of sulfur or rotten eggs,
He’d sign it away with the Evil Eye.
© JD Couch and JA Wayahowl, 1-11-2012